A search for "wedding invitation etiquette" on amazon.com results is 234 books...TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR! It is a topic that has long been discussed, criticized, feared, sometimes overlooked, and rarely enjoyed. I admit - I have my own reference stack on the shelf and one well-thumbed copy in my left-side desk drawer.
You could talk about wording and surnames and the American or English spelling of favor and honour until you are blue in the face. You can accurately address the female Ambassador's invitation (The Ambassador of the United States of America to Greece and Mr. Christakos, if you were up late nights wondering) and master the use - or non-use of "and family," and you still might miss the point.
Etiquette really boils down to just one thing: a little bit of level-headed respect seasoned with some common sense.
Ask yourself the question - will I carelessly offend someone important to me by abandoning a rule of etiquette? If the answer is yes - well, go the extra mile and avoid that pitfall. If the answer is no - then you decide - do you like the ceremony of tradition of the applicable etiquette or would a little departure make your heart sing?
Example? Your Catholic priest is an 80-year old Irish spitfire who brings you happily to the pew every Sunday but believes the old-fashioned proper wording on your invitation marries you "and" the groom, not "to" the groom. It's one word - and not following the etiquette rule may upset him...etiquette wins here.
Another Example? Your father's best friend is a doctor, but he's also been like an uncle to you growing up. And you know that addressing his invitation Uncle Jack Robbins (instead of Doctor Jack Robbins) will remind him that he's very much in the fold of your family. Put down the rule book, and welcome Uncle Jack to the wedding.
Societal changes necessarily make etiquette an evolving art, and there's no single correct answer. My advice - buy ONE book. Spend some time familiarizing yourself with the general rules, consult it for some of the more tricky addressing situations, and don't panic. Remember, care more about the important people in your life than the rules someone has laid out to impress them.
Good Luck!
